the gary pigg talk show

mommy loves chu-ball, too

2009-07-03T20:27:00.000-07:00

welcome back to the gary pigg talk show. i am your host, as always, gary pigg. today's topic is chuy!

yes, it's true: mommy does have just as much love for chuy as she does for me. i'm here to present some proof...

the images in this post are hand selected by mommy as the most favorite of her recent pics of my brother chuy. the first photo is of mommy and chuy, the second is a close-up of chu-chu just minutes later.

WAIT! STOP! i am sure many of you are immediate satisfaction types (i have some of those in my family, so i understand), but out of respect for the story-telling process, i am asking you to please refrain from scanning down to image #2 before you read everything first.

that being said, i won't blame anyone for seeing image #2 and rushing to judge chu-bear as some kind of savage carnivore who wears proof of his prey on his face. hells to the NO, for all the gods' sake! remember, cavies are vegetarians, so what you see on chuy's chin can't possibly be blood. please refer back to the first photo, where you'll see that mommy is feeding chuy our very most favorite ever treat: RED PEPPER!!!!!!! chuy and i inhale chunks of red pepper as quickly as our colombian cousins inhale cocaine (from what i'm told).

so, anyway, in photo #2, chuy appears as though he has a beard of blood, which of course it isn't....but i now have a great idea for chu's halloween costume!! muah ha ha ha ha!! check out his little tongue. ha!

oh hell no!!!

2009-07-02T11:45:00.000-07:00

welcome back to the gary pigg talk show. as always, i am your host, gary pigg. today's topic is freaky pigs!

i just read this story on bbc about how in 2007, designer guinea pigs were the latest fashion accessory among socialites. having the love of a socialite is nothing new to me, of course; my mom runs in the best circles. (speaking of circles, did you know that guinea pigs do not run on wheels like small rodents do, as we're not rodents #1, and #2, we have very sensitive spines and can't get in those back-bending positions.) but going places in mommy's purse? no, no, no. that would not be fun for me at all. i prefer not be bumped around inside a bag. i don't think i could relax that way, and you already know how skittish my kind can be. i hope mommy doesn't read this and think that hauling me around is a good idea. where would i peep and poop??

but lets get to the other major point here: designer guinea pigs?! lemme tell ya, i never met one of these guys, and i don't want to. look:

i mean for crying out loud! that thing is NOT cute, and he definitely doesn't look happy. he's probably freezing to death! my fur is really thick and even i get cold. it's like those naked cats that have to sit on heat pads all the time. those crazy kitties ain't happy.

all that being said, i began to wonder what i would look like naked, er, hairless. if that piggie up there had hair, his hair would be black where his skin is black, and white where his skin is white. we're that simple. i would probably be really cool looking naked, come to think of it. browns, black, and white in all random places. oh jesus, mommy, don't shave me, i beg of you. there are other ways to see what i would look like hairless... use your creativity to photoshop one of the zillion photos you have of me. that piggie up there isn't shaved, he was a spdeial breed created for testing in europe. hense, the expression, to be a guinea pig in an experiment.

time to nap....this has been exhausting.

famous guinea pig owners, volume 2

2009-06-25T21:31:00.000-07:00

welcome back to the gary pigg talk show. i am your host, as always, gary pigg. hi! wee-eet wee-eet!!

before revealing who we chose to be the 2nd subject of "famous guinea pig owners," i first want to thank you--the fans--for making this TGPTS's most successful series debut to date! this new project has proven to be much more educational than i expected, but even more surprising is how much i love researching and learning all this history stuff! mommy teaches us lots of important things; however, her lifelong lack of interest in history, coupled with the subsequent deficiency in her historical knowledge, makes history a rare topic of discussion. (see mommy's own blog for the psychological analysis...) but even mommy loves this new project and is absorbing all the random historical facts we're collecting. but enough about the project, here's the latest issue:

teddy roosevelt not only had several guinea pigs, he also wrote about them in letters that were published in the book "theodore roosevelt's letters to his children." according to sources, roosevelt's "deep and abiding love of children, of family and home—this was the dominating passion of his life. Whenever he was separated from them—in the Spanish War, or on a hunting trip, or because they were at school—he sent his children these messages of constant thought and love, for they were never for a moment out of his mind and heart." in one such letter to e.s. martin, roosevelt wrote:

"...Did I ever tell you about my second small boy's names for his Guinea pigs? They included Bishop Doane; Dr. Johnson, my Dutch Reformed pastor; Father G. Grady, the local priest with whom the children had scraped a speaking acquaintance; Fighting Bob Evans, and Admiral Dewey."

bob evans? mommy LOVES bob evans!

careful what you eat....

2009-06-19T21:10:00.000-07:00

welcome back to the gary pigg talk show, man. i am your groovy host, gurry pigg. ha! that sounds funny. gurry pigg. ha! today's topic is....wait, what were we talking about? i feel so woozy! i ate some herbs off the floor right under mommy's chair. now all i can do is lay here and eat. i'll try again later, dude...

famous guinea pig owners, volume 1

2009-06-05T10:59:00.000-07:00

queen elizabeth the 1st was among the first guinea pig owners in all of europe. stay tuned...

my latest cool pic: rasta-gary-an.

there's something about rubber...

2009-05-13T19:01:00.000-07:00

i love to chew on rubbery things. the "cool feet" for the laptop (exhibits 1 & 2), the tips of mommy's hemp sneakers (exhibit 3), the outside of power cords, and even the buttons off the remote controls. oh yes, one of daddy's favorites, we like to chew the buttons on any remote control (exhibits 4 & 5), whether it be a remote for the TV, DVR, PS3, stereo, cable...it matters not--we don't discriminate! we do, however, make certain that the buttons maintain their functionality; we're not barbarians, after all! mommy has a great sense of humor about the rubber stuff, especially the remotes; daddy, on the other paw, was soooooooo pissed the first time he saw the chewed up remote that i actually mistook him for a rabid 'coon! he was all foaming at the mouth and everything!! mommy tends to forget that we love the rubber buttons, 'cause she will still leave a remote on the floor every once in a while....yummy!

i guess we like plastic, too. mommy put down this green plastic mat that came with our play-pens (in our house they're just used as gates to keep us out of hard-to-reach places). i guess their purpose is to make for easier clean-up/protect floors, but we just chew on ours. it isn't as though our poop is messy. jeesh!!

mom's not sure if we just chew on these things or if we actually ingest, as i don't usually leave any residue of what i've chewed away... she's thinking there'd be some bits of rubber on the ground, but she doesn't find any.... i guess i must be eating it. well, i ain't dead yet, right?!

one of us chewed on the "cool feet" that keep the laptop elevated (exhibits 1 & 2)....

the hemp shoes....before they were chewed. mmmm, hemp! too bad i was only into the rubber.... (exhibit 3)

the remote exhibit...can you tell which buttons we chewed off?? mommy altered the photos to highlight the destruction; she also had to color the pause button with a Sharpie. (exhibits 4 & 5)

the longest four days ever

2009-05-06T20:24:00.000-07:00

mommy and daddy went to uncle michael's wedding in california over last weekend. oh my gosh, i missed them so much! we are so lucky that auntie hez and unc chad volunteered (well, auntie hez volunteered) to let us camp out at her house--we had a very nice time. they have a cat, who actually left us alone. at first i was mad that mommy didn't forewarn me about boo boo, but maybe i would have been really scared for no reason... i don't think she even knew we were there. we didn't get much of a chance to run around like we do at home... we tried, but we were too nervous about the new surroundings, so chuy and i mostly stayed in our cage. that ended up being great because chuy and i were forced to bond even more than we had before. he is still a pain in the butt (and loves to follow my butt), but he's growing on me for sure.

unfortunately, i think the absence made chuy go back to being even more skittish. he will get close to mommy if that's where the food is, but he is still sent flying once she coughs. food goes everywhere, it's a hot mess. chuy is a hot mess. for reals...

tomorrow maybe i'll post some pictures and tell you about my motorboating!

day 2

2009-04-21T23:05:00.000-07:00

i was first introduced to my new brother on sunday at around 3 pm, which (if you're keeping track) was just a mere 48.5 hours ago. there are some ways in which it seems as though chuy has always been around; however, there are many ways in which he mostly feels like the total stranger that he is. he has started to follow me around a lot, taking my lead, trusting that i know what is safe, which is cool... being a big brother brought some purpose and responsibility to my life, and made me feel more confident.

the one thing that really bugs me is that chuy is still so skittish! the very sound of mommy's voice still sends him speeding for shelter. heck, he is even scared of his own shadow. i, on the other hand, only run & hide from the parents when they're reaching for me and i'm not in the mood to be held or picked up. otherwise, mommy can lie down next to me while i'm eating and scratch my head, or feed me a carrot (yum), and i won't even twitch a whisker so, anyway every time chuy jumps in fear, i jump in fear, too; although i easily warm up to familiar surroundings, i am still a guinea pig, and we are pretty skittish creatures by nature; therefore, when chuy runs away like he saw a Peruvian with a skewer, i am going to run, too! i ain't no dummy! but most of the time, there is no reason to run. the extra exercise and adrenalin sure make me hungry!

so, all i want is for Chu to chill out! other than that, he's cool.

the new nugget

2009-04-20T19:52:00.000-07:00

guess what??? yesterday mommy and daddy, along with auntie heather, brought home a new baby!! i now have a brother! i guess i'm a lot more grown up than i thought because, boy, is he small! he makes me feel like a very big boy. his name is chuy, and he's a little soft furry thing, mostly white with some salt & pepper on his rump and some dark gray around his face. personally, i think i am cuter; however, chuy does have much fluffier and softer fur than mine. that doesn't really bother me--it just means that he will be the first selected to make a nice fur coat.

here he is:

i think i've been pretty nice so far, besides the 2 times i tried to hump chuy. i mean, i didn't have much of a warning of the newbie...mommy said they might bring me home a little brother, but i wasn't sure. mommy says there is no way that she'll be unemployed forever, so i need someone else to play with. i think i'm gonna have more fun bossing him around.

ellen

2009-04-14T11:16:00.000-07:00

so, as i said, mommy and i like to watch TV together while she looks for a new job. we watch ellen whenever we can. i don't get some of the jokes (i'm just a baby after all), but i love the photos of fat babies and all the dancing. mommy said that ellen's wife is hot, but i slept through the episode she was on a couple weeks ago. today jenny mccarthy is on ellen. we like her. she is funny, and she is goofy, and she is good looking, and she is a very good mommy. i'm in the mood to have mommy smooch on my belly, so see ya!

2009-04-13T18:41:00.000-07:00

i'm back! so, mommy and i watch a lot of tv together... she has pretty good taste in shows. tonight we watched the cbs comedy line-up. i think "rules of engagement" has gotten a lot better over time. mommy says that if you look back at the best long-running shows, their first seasons kinda suck in comparison. take "friends," mommy's all-time fave, go back and watch season one. the characters are so over the top! ross' trademark inflection is ridiculous, as is chandler's. anyway....that's all.

hi

2009-04-13T13:51:00.000-07:00

so, i'm gary. i'm about three months old. oh, and i'm a guinea pig...i'm neither from guinea, nor am i a pig. don't ask! most importantly, i am NOT a rodent. repeat after me. i am not a rodent. i'm not one to be bothered to defend my species; my mom, on the other hand, is happy to go on and on and on explaining how i differ from rodents, so ask her. i just wanted to say a quick hello before heading back into my running tunnel... chip chip!!