mommy loves chu-ball, too

welcome back to the gary pigg talk show. i am your host, as always, gary pigg. today's topic is chuy!

yes, it's true: mommy does have just as much love for chuy as she does for me. i'm here to present some proof...

the images in this post are hand selected by mommy as the most favorite of her recent pics of my brother chuy. the first photo is of mommy and chuy, the second is a close-up of chu-chu just minutes later.

WAIT! STOP! i am sure many of you are immediate satisfaction types (i have some of those in my family, so i understand), but out of respect for the story-telling process, i am asking you to please refrain from scanning down to image #2 before you read everything first.

that being said, i won't blame anyone for seeing image #2 and rushing to judge chu-bear as some kind of savage carnivore who wears proof of his prey on his face. hells to the NO, for all the gods' sake! remember, cavies are vegetarians, so what you see on chuy's chin can't possibly be blood. please refer back to the first photo, where you'll see that mommy is feeding chuy our very most favorite ever treat: RED PEPPER!!!!!!! chuy and i inhale chunks of red pepper as quickly as our colombian cousins inhale cocaine (from what i'm told).

so, anyway, in photo #2, chuy appears as though he has a beard of blood, which of course it isn't....but i now have a great idea for chu's halloween costume!! muah ha ha ha ha!! check out his little tongue. ha!

oh hell no!!!

welcome back to the gary pigg talk show. as always, i am your host, gary pigg. today's topic is freaky pigs!

i just read this story on bbc about how in 2007, designer guinea pigs were the latest fashion accessory among socialites. having the love of a socialite is nothing new to me, of course; my mom runs in the best circles. (speaking of circles, did you know that guinea pigs do not run on wheels like small rodents do, as we're not rodents #1, and #2, we have very sensitive spines and can't get in those back-bending positions.) but going places in mommy's purse? no, no, no. that would not be fun for me at all. i prefer not be bumped around inside a bag. i don't think i could relax that way, and you already know how skittish my kind can be. i hope mommy doesn't read this and think that hauling me around is a good idea. where would i peep and poop??

but lets get to the other major point here: designer guinea pigs?! lemme tell ya, i never met one of these guys, and i don't want to. look:


i mean for crying out loud! that thing is NOT cute, and he definitely doesn't look happy. he's probably freezing to death! my fur is really thick and even i get cold. it's like those naked cats that have to sit on heat pads all the time. those crazy kitties ain't happy.

all that being said, i began to wonder what i would look like naked, er, hairless. if that piggie up there had hair, his hair would be black where his skin is black, and white where his skin is white. we're that simple. i would probably be really cool looking naked, come to think of it. browns, black, and white in all random places. oh jesus, mommy, don't shave me, i beg of you. there are other ways to see what i would look like hairless... use your creativity to photoshop one of the zillion photos you have of me. that piggie up there isn't shaved, he was a spdeial breed created for testing in europe. hense, the expression, to be a guinea pig in an experiment.

time to nap....this has been exhausting.