Thursday, July 2, 2009

oh hell no!!!

welcome back to the gary pigg talk show. as always, i am your host, gary pigg. today's topic is freaky pigs!

i just read this story on bbc about how in 2007, designer guinea pigs were the latest fashion accessory among socialites. having the love of a socialite is nothing new to me, of course; my mom runs in the best circles. (speaking of circles, did you know that guinea pigs do not run on wheels like small rodents do, as we're not rodents #1, and #2, we have very sensitive spines and can't get in those back-bending positions.) but going places in mommy's purse? no, no, no. that would not be fun for me at all. i prefer not be bumped around inside a bag. i don't think i could relax that way, and you already know how skittish my kind can be. i hope mommy doesn't read this and think that hauling me around is a good idea. where would i peep and poop??


but lets get to the other major point here: designer guinea pigs?! lemme tell ya, i never met one of these guys, and i don't want to. look:


i mean for crying out loud! that thing is NOT cute, and he definitely doesn't look happy. he's probably freezing to death! my fur is really thick and even i get cold. it's like those naked cats that have to sit on heat pads all the time. those crazy kitties ain't happy.

all that being said, i began to wonder what i would look like naked, er, hairless. if that piggie up there had hair, his hair would be black where his skin is black, and white where his skin is white. we're that simple. i would probably be really cool looking naked, come to think of it. browns, black, and white in all random places. oh jesus, mommy, don't shave me, i beg of you. there are other ways to see what i would look like hairless... use your creativity to photoshop one of the zillion photos you have of me. that piggie up there isn't shaved, he was a spdeial breed created for testing in europe. hense, the expression, to be a guinea pig in an experiment.

time to nap....this has been exhausting.

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